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Pescado By zivlok Published: May 31, 2005 Updated: May 31, 2005  Print by: zivlok Author's Note: This is my third story in my collection of short stories I'm thinking about publishing. This is a parody of the old greek and roman myths. If for some reason you are currently holding a star map in your hands, you will see that is sort of makes sense. The great raccoon (Ursa Major) was frustrated. His favorite food was fish, but he could never catch any big fish. “I’m sick and tired of measly 20 pound salmon!” he cried. “How about some swordfish? Or shark steak? Why don’t the big ones ever come up into this tributary and get stuck so I can make a feast out of them?” he ranted. As you can see, the great raccoon (let’s call him Hank) wasn’t exactly the sharpest discus in the Olympiad.Disgruntled, Hank made his way back to his den to wallow in self-pity. While he was sulking, he saw an ad for Odacsep© “The fishing pole!”™ “Hmmmmmm...” thought Hank. “You know, I really like Ben&Jerry’s® “Salmon Sundae.”™ Hank walked to town, hoping he would find the answer- that, and an open dumpster next to “SushiRama!”® As he was walking down Indirect Street, a street vendor called out “Fishing poles! Get yer fishing poles! Helps you catch fish! Fishing poles!” “Aw, can it!” yelled Hank. “A talking squirrel!” screamed the vendor. “I’m a raccoon you nincompoop!” Hank called after the fleeing vendor. Hank noticed that the vendor had dropped the fishing poles. “Hmmmmmm...” thought Hank. “Free poles!” Hank promptly ran home and starting using the poles as a back scratcher. “I wonder why they put all this darn wire over this back scratcher! Well, it’s no use to me! Might as well throw it in the stream!” So Hank walked to the stream, his hands covered in honey because he believed that honey would keep the pole from sticking to his hands. When he tried to throw the pole, however, it stuck to his hands, but the wire flew out. Moments later, the pole started tugging. Hank yanked the pole, out of the water came a swordfish. “Yahoo!” cried Hank. He did this over and over and soon had enough fish to start a chain of seafood restaurants, an aquarium, a museum of natural history, and not go hungry for three years. One day, Hank cast his line down deep. It went all the way down to the lair of the serpent. Meanwhile, Hercules was on his thirteenth task to retrieve the king’s toupee. He saw the line go down to the serpent, and the serpent come out of his lair. Hercules swam down and hurled the line out of the water, and into the heavens. Unfortunately, or fortunately if you have something against raccoons, Hank was stuck to the pole, because of the honey. He twisted around but only succeed in getting stuck upside-down. So, the fishing line Pescado and Hank the upside-down Raccoon are stuck in the heavens for all eternity. |
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